The Outsiders 

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They say you’re never alone as long as you have people around. 
I beg to differ. 

I was just fine having my family. And plenty of time to myself. 

It wasn’t until The Outsiders were introduced. 


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I would share with them a part of me. Only for them to take off and leave with it. 

I even cared for some of The Outsiders. 

Their lives either ended too soon or their parents uprooted them to another state. 


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I even loved some of The Outsiders. They were the ones who caused the most pain. 

These Outsiders would turn their feelings on and off as they pleased. This was hard to accept when my feelings were always on. 
I never felt so alone in my life. 

The more Outsiders I seem to let in, the more alone I seem to feel. 


Photo Source: harvestlifechangers.com

They say you’re never alone as long as you have people around. 

As long as those people aren’t The Outsiders. 

Emptying My Thoughts: Night Four

Today was a pretty productive day at work. I still have tons of things to do,  but it is slowly but surely all coming together.

Nothing major really happened today. I have been thinking about ways to get out of this work function on Thursday, but I haven’t been able to come up with something good and convincing enough. I swear I hate having social anxiety! Why does it have to be so difficult to socialize with people away from work who I interact with on a daily basis? I guess I will keep thinking of something.

I have been listening to some great music lately thanks to Google Music! I have been listening to new music from some of my favorite artists, and discovering new artists along the way.  A few of my favorites are Nao, Lion Babe, MAAD*MOISELLE, Kiiara, Jamie Woon, Eryn Allen Kane, Lostboycrow, Kelela, Johnny Rain, and Dvsn. I also checked out Tamia’s latest album titled Love Life on Spotify. I really enjoyed it.  Tamia is one of my favorite artists of all time. She remains true to her sound,  and that is what makes me enjoy her music.

Well, that’s all for tonight. I’m headed to Slumberland. Good night ☺

Emptying My Thoughts: Night Three

The life of a mom is truly an interesting one. One kid was throwing up this morning. The other is in the nurse’s office at school because of a really bad headache. I am the mom who worries when her kids are anything other than themselves. They both ended up feeling better, and that’s great, but I still worry. 

I also had to stay home from work today to sit with the little one. I thought it would be a peaceful day as my son rested.  That didn’t happen at all.  He wanted to play and watch every movie he owns. Pretty much everything but rest.  By the way he’s four, and has the energy of four people. Long story short, I did not have a peaceful day.

Now I have to return to work and play catch up on my catch up work.  I am going to go to sleep with nothing but positive thoughts about tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a good day!

I gave today’s Daily Prompt plenty of thought and really couldn’t come up with anything. My mind is so filled with worry and “what ifs” I can’t seem to get my creative juices flowing.

I love writing, but just like everything else, I  begin comparing myself with others. I feel like my writing is not good enough because it doesn’t sound or flow like the next blogger’s work.  I know it’s something I need to get over, and I’m trying.

That’s about all that’s flooding my mind.  Hopefully it’s left here and doesn’t follow me to Slumberland! Good night ☺

Working it All Out- Career Confusion

Why does picking a career have to be such a daunting task? I know what I like and I know what I don’t like. I know my strengths, weaknesses, and capabilities. I know where I excel and I know where I crash and burn. I know other people’s opinions on my talents and gifts.  The one thing I DON’T know is how the hell to put all of this together to form a career goal!

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Photo Credit: npr.com

I’ve taken career assessments, talked to people, sorted my likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, consulted with The Bible, played trial and error for 16 years with job after job after job,  and still unfulfilled. What do I really want to spend the rest of my life doing?  I love reading, writing, math, science, research, spotting and correcting errors (Don’t judge me if I don’t spot or correct any errors contained within this post. It is 4am and my brain hasn’t gotten much rest), delegating, organizing, and maintaining information.
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Photo Credit: livebinders.com

Now, for the negatives. I don’t like working directly with clients, customers, patients, consumers, and whatever other names people who are in need of a product or service go by these days. I would prefer to be behind the scenes helping people. I don’t like working with people. Solitude makes my day…co-workers not necessarily. I prefer to get my work done and move on to the next task! 

The biggest negative is fear.  Fear that I will invest time and money into a degree that isn’t relevant to what I really WANT to do.  Most career matches I’ve come across look good on paper, but I don’t really see myself enjoying the work or work environment. I also don’t feel a great deal of excitement to begin a number of the selected careers. I know how quickly I lose interest in work that doesn’t keep me challenged. Fear, why must you plague my soul?

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Photo Credit: themuse.com

With all of that said,  I shall continue my quest for my ideal career. One that includes more of my likes than dislikes. One that will fulfill me. A career that allows me to be me, and I am greatly appreciated for being me.  A career that will pay well enough for me to survive without having financial problems. I am not seeking financial success. I am just seeking personal success! 

Now that’s not too much to ask for!

K. A. Smith

My 9:00 P.M. Reminder

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It’s 9:00 p.m., and my alarm just went off reminding me to take my medicine. This made me think about the recent conversation I had with my neurologist. At one point during the doctor’s visit, she said something about no 30 year old wants to take medicine every day for the rest of their life.  After that, I briefly left the conversation (mentally of course). Wow, I have been taking these medicines for four years now and at that moment was the first time I realized that I will probably be taking medicine every single day of my life! 

Why am I seeing a neurologist? Why am I taking medicine every day? Migraines and myoclonus would accurately answer that question. I am thankful to have something to take to control the two, but the reality of a daily medicine reminder does become frustrating. At times I “forget” to take the preventative medicine, because I just get tired of taking it.  I just want to feel like I did before having these problems. I guess I feel like maybe the headaches and jerking are gone, and I no longer need the medicine. Then things just get worse once I stop, and it is back to my 9:00 p.m. medicine reminder.

K. A. Smith

Just Your Average…Yet Not So Average Girl

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I have been encouraged by a fellow blogger to write about a time from my younger days. He is a an awesome writer and a great supporter!  Check out his blog here!

In elementary, middle, and high school, I was not Ms. Popular, but I was known. I wasn’t an outcast, I was liked by many. I was easygoing, fun to be around, and LOVED to laugh and have fun. My G.P.A.  was usually between a 3.5 and a 4.0. I was on the dance team, BETA club, 4-H, French Club, along with other organizations. Science fairs?  I won them. Gifted and Talented?  I was in that program too. I was a teacher’s pet, but I was never bullied.  I usually had one or two good friends at a time. I could have hung with the crowd, but usually chose not to. I think I had it pretty good in school.

I don’t really have any defining moments while in school. I was just the loud, fast talking, fun, light skinned, long jet black hair,short, smart, pretty, funny, crazy (in a good way), manipulative, long nails with designs wearing, girl who worked at Winn-Dixie behind the Customer Service Counter. I had a way with words and had no problem telling you how you made me feel. I liked to talk, hang out with my friends, dance, play baseball, play video games with my brother, write to my pen pals, read, write, sing (never was any good at it, but I enjoyed it), listen to music, and push my parents’ buttons to date.

Oh the good ol’ days! 

K. A. Smith

My Name Is Kelly…And I Am A Pluviophile

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I love rainy days.

The rain soothes and calms me.  Watching the rain outside of my window sends me to places I’ve never been. I become lost in my thoughts, as if I am hypnotized by the relaxing sounds of rain raicing from cloud to roof, from cloud to window. I am no longer consumed with the stresses of the day, the worries of my life. I can breathe freely, as the rain hits the roof, hits the window. The distant rumble of thunder yields excitement within me, as I wait for it to get closer. The wind forces the trees to perform a drunken dance while blowing leaves about. Bare branches gently scrape the window.  Lightning crackles. All that was enveloped in darkness made a brief appearance to my eyes. The excitement intensifies exponentially, due to the approaching weather phenomenon. I sit wrapped in favorite purple fleece blanket, wrapped in my thoughts. The lights are off, not because of the storm, but because of the choice. The choice I made to enjoy this rain, this thunder, this lightning, these sounds.

I love rainy days.

K. A. Smith

Who Am I? One Big Ol’ Contradiction!

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Who am I?
I am just like you,
Except we are nothing alike.
I laugh all the time,
Except for when I cry.
I love reality TV,
Just not on my TV.
I love people,
I just do not love working with them.
I can not live without music,
No, really, I can not live without music.
I am honest,
But I lie.
I am content,
However, things need to change.
I work hard,
Yet I am beyond lazy.
I crave attention,
And I desire solitude.
I am me,
Hey, who else could I be?

K. A. Smith

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