Deeply Into the Unknown 

The time is 5:31am and I am just laying here. I am  just laying here with thoughts racing through my head like Usain Bolt running the 100 meters. “What if…?” “But why not…?”  So many scenarios playing out in my mind. These thoughts and scenarios are about my life. A life I have grown to know little about, even though I am the only one who has lived it since birth. 

Photo Source: welleslleyfreelibrary.org

I find myself growing more and more confused every day. My ups are downs. My rights are now wrongs (and lefts). The people I thought I knew. I know longer know. Just when I get accustomed to one thing, it changes. It appears everything I thought I saw was just false images. Images distorted with the reality of a dream I once knew. 


Photo Source: pinterest.com

Now it is 5:48am and I am just laying here. I am just laying here with uncertainty in my mind and fear in my heart. I am scared to turn the page for fear of what it might reveal. I dread the dawn of a new day, as I am terrified to uncover yet another image distorted with the reality of a dream I once knew. Therefore I shall   dream. I shall dream during the day just as I do during the night. I shall remove myself from all that is known and delve deeply into the unknown. 

Life Lesson: Try Not to Lose What is Hard to Find

I hate when I lose things. Especially when it is something that is hard to find once it is lost. Things, I can honestly say I don’t lose too often. My brain is pretty good at keeping up with things, but what it struggles with are my emotions, feelings, and thoughts. 
I seem to lose my temper, my mind, my train of thought, my way, my patience, and my confidence without blinking! And of course those are the things that seem like only Jesus Himself can return to me. I can’t ever seem to find them on my own!


Photo Source: clipartkid.com withPersonal Editing 

I know each of these”losses” are all a matter of changing my habits and my perception. I’m working on that. It’s just the one that seems out of reach is my confidence. I can’t even backtrack my steps to figure out exactly where I lost it! I know the loss of of my confidence was a long gradual process, and it will be a long gradual process to get it back. 
This journey to rebuild myself, and locate all of those feelings, thoughts, and emotions that remain at large, is definitely a difficult one. It seems as if once progress is made in one department a regression is unfolding in another. I consider giving up on a daily bases, but for now I am still on this wild goose chase of a journey to rebuild myself! 


Photo Source: uniben247.com

Life lesson: Try not to lose what is hard to find. 

Emptying My Thoughts: Night Five

Hallucinations by dvsn softly playing

Today is Administrative Professionals Day, and the owners and management went all out for us!  The meeting room was decorated, food was made for us by one of the owners,  we received gifts,  we had an extended (uninterrupted) lunch, and one of the managers in the office even sang for us!  It was a good day at the office today.

I still have finishing my bachelor’s degree on my mind and becoming more accomplished. I also need to learn how to skate before June!  I guess some goals are easier than others.

Well that’s all for tonight. I don’t have that much bogging down my mind tonight. I’m headed to Slumberland. Check out some of my latest posts if you find yourself up for a little while longer.  ☺

Truth in Disguise
Whisper
Ghostly Giggle

Have Mercy by Eryn Allen Kane playing in the background

Emptying My Thoughts: Night Four

Today was a pretty productive day at work. I still have tons of things to do,  but it is slowly but surely all coming together.

Nothing major really happened today. I have been thinking about ways to get out of this work function on Thursday, but I haven’t been able to come up with something good and convincing enough. I swear I hate having social anxiety! Why does it have to be so difficult to socialize with people away from work who I interact with on a daily basis? I guess I will keep thinking of something.

I have been listening to some great music lately thanks to Google Music! I have been listening to new music from some of my favorite artists, and discovering new artists along the way.  A few of my favorites are Nao, Lion Babe, MAAD*MOISELLE, Kiiara, Jamie Woon, Eryn Allen Kane, Lostboycrow, Kelela, Johnny Rain, and Dvsn. I also checked out Tamia’s latest album titled Love Life on Spotify. I really enjoyed it.  Tamia is one of my favorite artists of all time. She remains true to her sound,  and that is what makes me enjoy her music.

Well, that’s all for tonight. I’m headed to Slumberland. Good night ☺

Emptying My Thoughts: Night Three

The life of a mom is truly an interesting one. One kid was throwing up this morning. The other is in the nurse’s office at school because of a really bad headache. I am the mom who worries when her kids are anything other than themselves. They both ended up feeling better, and that’s great, but I still worry. 

I also had to stay home from work today to sit with the little one. I thought it would be a peaceful day as my son rested.  That didn’t happen at all.  He wanted to play and watch every movie he owns. Pretty much everything but rest.  By the way he’s four, and has the energy of four people. Long story short, I did not have a peaceful day.

Now I have to return to work and play catch up on my catch up work.  I am going to go to sleep with nothing but positive thoughts about tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a good day!

I gave today’s Daily Prompt plenty of thought and really couldn’t come up with anything. My mind is so filled with worry and “what ifs” I can’t seem to get my creative juices flowing.

I love writing, but just like everything else, I  begin comparing myself with others. I feel like my writing is not good enough because it doesn’t sound or flow like the next blogger’s work.  I know it’s something I need to get over, and I’m trying.

That’s about all that’s flooding my mind.  Hopefully it’s left here and doesn’t follow me to Slumberland! Good night ☺

Emptying My Thoughts- Night 1

Going to sleep is never as easy as it sounds. I am always thinking and making mental notes. The thoughts in my mind race many miles per minute, and I somehow find it difficult to peacefully fall asleep.

That is why I am allowing my thoughts to be left here for everyone else to sift and sort through. If you find something interesting…great!  If not, maybe tomorrow night you will. Well,  here goes nothing!

So,  I just applied to go to school online. I am nervous about getting all of my transcripts (yes, I’ve made numerous attempts at getting my bachelor’s degree), applying for financial aid, and actually beginning this program.

I have a million things to do at work tomorrow. I need to wake up early so I can get a head start at knocking some of my work out. 

I really need to workout tomorrow. I am so tired of having extra weight on me.

I really want to move into a house. I need to become more disciplined with finances. 
PB&J for the next few weeks for lunch! Maybe I’ll lose some weight and get more work done with this tweak to my lunch break.

Does medicine for anxiety really work?  Maybe I should give this dose change more time. I don’t know.

Well, that is all I had to empty for the night. It is time for me to head over to Slumberland. Good night everyone!

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